Tahnee: 12 months

It was a busy day for Tahnee today - a 12 month developmental assessment at Princess Margaret Hospital and immunisations!

Part of each developmental appointment is us filling in a questionnaire about achievements and milestones. Like I blogged about last month, we received the questionnaire well before Tahnee's first birthday, and after having a quick skim read, I was a little apprehensive as Tahnee was achieving nothing. Its not that surprising since we got it so early, but in the past she had been achieving everything very quickly, so this was a shock. However, over the next month we watched her and began to slowly tick things off, until the night before, the only big thing she wasn't doing yet was walking ... she achieved so much in just a month ... and all things we otherwise wouldn't have paid attention to!

This morning started out feeling much like déjà vu  ... we were up early, getting Lucas ready to drop off at Kristy's and then head up to PMH. A little while before we were supposed to leave, Kristy said she could swing past and pick Lucas up instead. Lucas was VERY excited about spending the day with her ... and once she had arrived and the car seat was installed, he was happy to be strapped in ... and nearly forgot to kiss us good-bye!

We had a 10am appointment at PMH. Its always hard to know what time to leave, as we need to factor in traffic and parking, especially as the hospital is about an hour away (from leaving our house to walking in the main entrance). Plus parking can be an issue, especially with such as early appointment, as you cant count on many cars finishing their appointments and leaving. Today was a little harder to find parking, we tried 2 car parks before ending up at our "usual" area, where we found someone leaving straight away :)

We then headed to the Out-Patients for the appointment. Today was a little different as we had been told it was an interactive appointment that would take about an hour. We would also see a different specialist as opposed to our usual paediatrician that we saw for her previous developmental assessments.

After arriving, we settling in to wait for our name to be called. We grabbed a free coffee from the volunteers and also had a chat (Tahnee had a cuddle) with one of them. We were then called in to get Tahnee weighed and measured, standard procedure with her appointments. Since we didn't have the "typical" birth weight photo after she was born, we took the chance to take a photo now. Thankfully Tahnee was nice and still on the lay back scales and didn't need to be weighed in the chair scales!

weight

length

We were then told to sit in the waiting room and wait for the specialist to call us, again standard procedure. While we were waiting, a lady walked towards us with her baby boy in a pram. The boy was adorable, waving to everyone. As they came closer, the lady stopped and spoke to us and we then realised that she was a fellow mum from NICU (for those who may know her, it was Lily and Kai). It was good to touch base again and see how well our children were doing. Her little boy still has an NG tube, and Tahnee was fascinated, trying to pull it out! So glad we don't deal with that on a daily basis (although I guess, if she had one she would be used to it and wouldn't always pull at it).

waiting to be weighed and measured

kisses for Daddy

Soon after we were called into the offices. There, the specialist led Tahnee through a series of activities. One activity involved Tahnee being given small, 2cm square blocks, with 2 in a box (vertical). She was asked to put the blocks into the box, and then take them out again. She was great at putting them in, not so good at taking them out. Other activities included seeing her reaction to a small mirror (she gave herself a kiss), seeing what she did with a teaspoon and cup (she drank from it and made the sipping noise), playing with a car, throwing/pushing a ball, identifying toys, scribbling on a piece of paper and getting her to crawl. Overall she did well and the specialist said she had no concerns about her development. She also said she would send us a detailed, written report in the post.

We also discussed further appointments. The 12month assessment was Tahnee's last for development. But the specialist was concerned that we hadn't seen the surgeons since November last year, so she is going to re-refer us, just in case we were missed off the system. She is also going to refer us onto respiratory, for 2 reasons: one that Tahnee has had numerous colds and cant seem to shake them well and secondly, because she doesn't want to discharge us, only to find that down the track we should have been monitored and that something may be prevented or something like that. We are happy with this outcome, as we don't feel 100% confident in being discharged completely.

Once the testing was done (it took an hour), we headed up to the ward to hand back the milk bottles we had taken home with us! It was embarrassing to realise that all the nurses who knew us, remembered how much milk we left with!! Many of them were excited to see Tahnee and were amazed how much she had grown and that it was already a year since she was born.

To sum up, at 12 months Tahnee:
- figured out how to go from crawling to sitting 2 weeks before her birthday
- was fully weaned to cows milk 2 weeks before her birthday
- is still wearing size 00 tops, but can fit size 0 tops
- still wears size 000 bottoms but they are getting too short - I said tough, wear them out til it gets warmer
- is up to date with her immunisations
- is becoming very independent and wants to feed herself, with a fork, at dinner times, but then gets frustrated as she is slow but hungry
- can say the following words: mum, dad, pa (for Opa), cus (for Lucas), ta (for thank you), ips (for chips), bye-bye, cya and hi.

* She now weighs 8614g, and has gained just over 5kg since birth
* Her head circumference grew by over 10cm
* Her height is now 72.8cm and she grew nearly 17cm - we think that her original length was incorrect as it placed her above the 97th percentile, and she is now on the 50th. Its unusual to drop so much and so quickly. Also, the way she was measured was a little dodgy, but the best they could do around the cords, tubes and wires - they measured top of head to shoulder, then shoulder to hip, then hip to ankle etc.

We are very proud of our little girl and all that she achieved this past year! Thanks to everyone who has supported us one way or another over the last 17 months and we value your continued support over the next year :)

By-gone Memories

On this day in 2011, we were coming to terms with the fact that our beautiful baby girl had come back from her first surgery with her bowels outside of her body ...

On this day in 2010, we were turning Lucas's car seat around to forward facing

On this day in 2009, I was 16 weeks pregnant with Lucas!

As you can tell, I am a bit nostalgic today ... memories of Tahnee in hospital continue to invade my head, inconveniently distracting me from what I should be doing. After looking up "old" photos from a year ago, I remember reading many posts like this on this blog ... and I started wondering what we were doing on the same date, on previous years. Amazingly, I had photos from the last 3 years ... gotta love digital photography :)

ACT

Its been about 5 months since I first blogged about post natal depression. I think now is a good time to touch base again. Due to Tahnee's first birthday, its been a few days of walking down memory lane, remembering what we were doing this time last year, and also reflecting on the year gone past ... what we did, what we have achieved and what we have been through.

To recap, I went to see my Dr in January this year as I was exhausted and just not coping. He sent me for tests and confirmed that I had PND. Sometime in April I heard about a PNDA group class that was being run during the next school term. At the time I was in individual counselling, but wasn't connecting all that well with the counsellor. So I decided to join the group class instead.

The course was called ACT on Perinatal Depression and Anxiety (run by Women's Health and Wellbeing Service) and was comprised of 10 sessions, three of which were evening sessions with a support person. ACT stands for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and is shortened to ACT, rather than A.C.T., as it is an active therapy. Each week a different topic was covered and the main purpose of the course was to equip participants with a "Tool Box" of skills to help combat PND and/or PNDA.

It was a real eye opener to participate in that course. It was "nice" to sit in a room where everyone knew what you were going through, even the course leader who had suffered herself.  And it was good to learn that we weren't going crazy and that our mental illness was curable.

During the course we were taught skills on cognitive defusion, accepting emotion, breathing, communicating, mindfulness, getting in touch with our values and assertiveness. At the beginning of the course we were asked to do a few questionnaires that were designed to rate our level of depression, anxiety and stress. At that time we were not told the results. At the end of the term we were asked to complete the same questionnaires, and on that day both sets of results were revealed and we were able to see how far we had come. For both questionnaires my pre-scores indicated my level was "moderate" (basically in between, not normal but not severe) and my post-scores indicated that I was back down to normal, albeit on the higher range of normal. Its important that note here that these questionnaires are unable to capture how someone relates to their thoughts and symptoms etc.

By the end of the course, I was quite nervous about finishing. It meant I would be free every Thursday morning, I would be on my own and not have the guidance of the clinical psych leader and it also meant my children would not be attending the creche, which they had both come to love. (as an aside, I know I have spoken many times about not taking Tahnee to creche, and at first I was very hesitant to take her, but I was assured by the coordinator whose own child attended, that the creche ladies were very strict on not taking sick children. And I was happy to note that by the end of the term neither child came home sick from that creche!)

After speaking with the clin psych, we agreed that I would go back for a session with (just) her a month after finishing the course, to see how I was coping. During term 2 I had missed a session as my children were sick, and I was invited to go back in term 3 for that one session. As it happened, both my appointment and the session were on the same day, all on Tahnee's birthday!

So that morning, Chris dropped myself and Lucas off, and went out with Tahnee. Lucas went to creche and thoroughly enjoyed it. I went to the session and met 3 new ladies also suffering with PNDA. The session was run as per normal, and it was great being back there. Then, later that afternoon I had a chance to sit down with the clin psych and talk through the last month. Upon reflection, I realised that during that time I had indeed "gotten better". I was no longer down and miserable all the time, I was no longer second guessing everything and thinking it was all my fault when something didn't work out, I was no longer fixated on my thoughts.

Visiting that missed session helped me realise how much better I was getting. Throughout the course we were made familiar with the model below, where the low points indicate low energy and low mood, and the higher points indicate more energy, better mood, and overall its meant to highlight the PND(A) journey, where you start off with many bad/down days and end off with only a few. After visiting the session, I realised that I was a lot further in my recovery than the other 3 women I had just met, and it was good to have this reassurance.

One of my favourite things to come out of course is the following quote: "life can be rich, full and meaningful even when bad things happen". To me, this signified our general attitude while pregnant with Tahnee ... we couldn't do anything to change her circumstances or better her survival odds, so we concentrated on the good things in the experience, like getting to see her on 3D scans at every visit, forming friendships with our CDH friends and more.

Lastly, if you think you have PND(A), dont be ashamed. Its a very common mental illness and it is curable. Go see your GP, discuss possible medications, get a mental health plan and book into the ACT course, or something similar. If you want to talk to someone, or find out more about the course, send me an email or give me a call. One of the things I felt when I first realised I had PND was that I only knew 2 others who had had it ... only 2 people out of the many people that we know ... which was one of the reasons we chose to write about this on our blog.

Dear Miss Tahnee

Dear Miss Tahnee
Its your FIRST BIRTHDAY! A year ago, we didn't let ourselves dream about celebrating this very special day. A year ago, we sat by your bedside in NICU at KEMH, tentatively stroking your hand and wondering what your future held. A year ago, we fell in love again, with you, our precious baby girl.

You have been through a lot over the last year. When we look back and say you spent 34 days in hospital, we realise it wasn't actually that many days. But at the time, it felt like forever. I can still clearly remember the day you were born, being told by our midwife that I would get to have a brief cuddle with you before being ventilated, and I remember holding you and realising you were a shade of grey/blue!! Yes we knew you would come out not being able to breathe, but it was still a shock. However you stabilised quickly and did so well.

We both spent every day with you, waiting for our first cuddles on day 11, cuddling you when we were allowed to every day there after, holding your hand, feeding you and changing you when we were allowed, talking to you.

We wheeled you to surgery twice, once more than we had been expecting. It was heart wrenching to watch your tiny body being put through so much. But we are thankful too, as it means you are alive!

We have blogged about most of your achievements over the last year. You have learnt to sleep through the night, roll, crawl, sit and stand. You are still working on the standing by yourself and walking thing, but you will get there ... one day ... in your own time ... just like everything else about you :)

One of your more recent achievements that we have yet to blog about is that you have worked out how to go from crawling to sitting. We were getting a little concerned as your bother was doing this a long time before you, but Kate, the child health nurse, assured us it was nothing to worry about and that you were concentrating on healing your protruding abdominal hernia.

Tahnee, you bring our family so much joy. You have taught us many things over the last few years,  ... such as patience and a capacity to love so dearly ... and your journey has made us face our deepest worries ... fears of hospitals, needles, surgeries and those very quiet thoughts that told us we would be unable to love another child like we love Lucas. We have travelled this journey with you and realised that when needed, we can sit by a hospital bed, with canula's, IV's, external organs and more, and that yes we are able to love another child as much as our firstborn.

We are thankful that you have survived and that you are so healthy now. Yes, we still have our worries and concerns ... keeping you away from yucky germs, your weight gain, your development. But these seem minor compared to the big worry of you surviving or not.

We love you Princess Tahnee, from your unruly, sticky-uppy hair to your feet that are already capable of producing bad foot odour and everything in between, but mostly we love your smile and your scar ... and we hope that we have been to able to show you what its means to be loved. We are looking forward to what the next year will bring us and we rest secure in that knowledge of this verse from Jeremiah 29 "For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".

All our love,

Mum, Dad and Lucas
xxx

p.s. even though we celebrated your birthday early, so many remembered to congratulate us on the day. We received text messages, face book messages and comments and a little note on the CDH Australia forum.

Rainbow Party

After consulting the calendar and taking into account Chris's soccer game times, we made the decision to hold Tahnee's birthday party on the Saturday before her birthday! In the lead up to her party we were busy with the usual things ... invitations, decorations, guest list, food, presents and cake.

A few weeks before the event, we invited around our family, close friends and close CDH friends to come down and celebrate her special milestone. We agreed to do a Rainbow Colour theme and made the invitations accordingly.

We also discussed what cake we would be making. We looked at heaps online, some quite complex and some easier. We finally settled on doing a butterfly cake - the butterfly is the international symbol of CDH. We then had to figure out if we would use a cake tin or shape it ourselves. Then, purely by accident, I came across an awesome, tiered rainbow coloured cake online. Looking at it closely I realised it wasn't too difficult and rang Chris to tell him. After looking at a photo he agreed and we got busy with choosing colours. Chris also suggested that we colour each of the cakes to match.

I had seen a few decoration set ups on Pinterest that I liked, so we figured out a few costs and decided to go with making a ceiling arrangement. A little trick on Pinterest suggested using plastic table cloths as opposed to fabric, as it would be cheaper.

Keeping with the rainbow colour theme, I made a salad platter, bought coloured popcorn, skittles and snakes, and then we both made star shaped sugar biscuits and iced them. These biscuits were very yummy!

junk food table

healthier food table and drinks (on right)

We held the party at our house, a first for us!! We usually hold them at Chris's parents house as they have a large patio and in our old house, we didn't have much of an outdoor area. But our new house has an awesome area. It was so much easier decorating and setting up as we didn't need to transfer anything.

The day was a lovely 22degrees, blue skies and not a rain cloud in sight. We had everything ready from hot drinks to cold drinks, salad platter to crackers to meat to dip, lollies to chips to cake. We also had a donation box for CDH Australia and a present table.

CDH buddy Austin and his Mum

Some guests

After everyone had arrived we prepared to do the cake. We LOVED the finished result and it received quite a few comments, both on the day and on facebook!!

Tahnee was a little overwhelmed with the whole blowing out the candle process! She was unsure what to do, so my 4 year old niece gladly did the honours and announced it to everyone :)

Tahnee also loved eating the cake! We are so thankful that she eats like she does and did not develop an oral aversion like so many CDh bubbas do. My sister in law gave her the huge chunk that was cut out to take a photo of the insides! But Tahnee only ate the top section and enjoyed it very much.

A highlight of the day was the presence of two of our favourite nurses from PMH. Frances and Bec. We still keep in contact with a few of them, and these two were able to come down for the morning. They said it was really special seeing " their"  babies all growing up and doing well. And we loved seeing them as well! These 2 especially were fantastic in the NICU. We laughed and joked a lot, and they made each day so much easier :)

The little guests all went home with a party bag (which are usually the highlight of any party!). I had found an idea on pinterest to attach crayons to notepads, but ran out of time to make them, so decided to pop everything into a lolly bag instead :)

Our little miss was very spoilt! She received clothes, toys, chairs, dolls, blocks and books. She also has a few more pressies coming!

with her stash from her party

with her presents from us and Aunty Tash & Tristan

We had a great day celebrating our Little Miss Tahnee's first birthday. Will post more about her birthday on the actual day (Thursday).