Podcast Review: Surviving a Strong Willed Child

Those readers who are pretty familiar with the blog will know that we are currently struggling with Lucas. He disobeys on purpose, he doesn't listen to us, he frustrates us because of all this and some days its hard to be in the same house with him. Its a sad fact, but true nonetheless. We love him to pieces, all the way to the sky and down, but boy do we struggle!!!

Often parental struggles can be a taboo subject! We always want to be the best parent, the best mum/dad, the coolest, the most "with it" and we will only tell the stories about our kids when we want to. In other words, we don't quickly say to someone that we are struggling, unless we are after advice. And even then, I think we has humans down play the real life scenario.

Therefore, it was very applicable to listen to a podcast on the drive down to Bunbury. Chris had previously downloaded a few from FOCUS ON THE FAMILY, which is a Christian ministry. This particular podcast featured an excerpt of a speech given by an author of a book about surviving the strong willed child.

The author, Cynthia Tobias, began the speech with a few examples of parental struggles. One struggle was with an 18 year old daughter and the other with a 17 month old son. These particular parents had reached the stage where they felt nothing was working and they were so frustrated/disgusted/angry with their child that they didn't want to be in the same room as them. All because they were considered to be a strong willed child (SWC).

Cynthia goes on to say that every one is different, which is why we annoy each other in families, even though you try hard to get along. Think about that statement ... we have different personalities, different characteristics, all of which make us US. And a SWC can drive a wedge between a family, and make others in the family dislike each other.

BUT, a SW should not be viewed as negatively. SW is not rebellion, its not defiance, its not disobedience. SW is being determined and the key is to teach a SWC to bring glory and honour to God by respecting them, loving them and understanding them.

If you are nodding and agreeing with everything I have paraphrased, then you are just like us. This described some of our struggles with Lucas. And if we were being truly honest, some of the struggles we have with each other.

The speaker went on to ask 12 statements and the listeners had to keep track of the ones that applied to them. The statements were almost like a list of characteristics of SW people. Cynthia then have you a chart that determined how strong willed you are.
>3 yes answers - you are easy to get along with and don't use SW much
4-7 - you use SW when you need to, but not on a daily basis
8-10 - you are getting into the trouble maker category (she didn't actually mean you are a trouble maker, just that you have strong SW)
11-12 - you are definitely a trouble maker and don't leave home without your SW.

Going by this chart, Chris and I determined that we are in the top two categories. (one point for working out which one of us was in the top category). We have always known that both of us are strong willed, and the answers to these questions proved that! Again, we could recognise that Lucas also showed many of these characteristics.

Cynthia ended the little statement activity by saying that SW people are successful, kind and compassionate. SW is an asset, not a liability.

What I have paraphrased for you above was all said in the first 12 minutes of the podcast, which is a total length of nearly 30 minutes. I could go on and on about the things that were said, but I believe if you are interested, then you should download it yourself. It was very interesting and provided much food for thought. It was so interesting and so accurate for us, that we are looking into buying her book. Unfortunately neither Koorong or Word have it in stock at the moment, so we may need to purchase it from a site like Amazon.

And a few last thoughts, because I cant resist ... the presenter went on to talk a lot about strong willed children and what they do. For example, I am sure we can all associate with the saying (either as parent or child) "clean your room or else". the strong willed child will more than likely take the consequence as expressed in the or else. And this is frustrating for parents. There are many many examples in the podcast, and it was extremely interesting to listen to. Personally I saw many of things I did as a child being reflected in the things that Lucas does. Lucas is also extremely strong willed.

The only negative I had with the podcast was that it didn't offer many solutions/strategies on how to deal with a strong willed child. I can only assume that Cynthia Tobias' book contains this.
I cant work out how to link the podcast straight onto the blog, however we downloaded it via iTunes and I have been able to download it to Window's Media Player from the Internet (but it wont let me upload here). If you are interested look it up: Surviving the Strong Willed Child through Focus on the Family. And while I am busy recommending the podcast, check out the other FOTF podcast available. Some are short and some are longer, like the subject of this blog post. Some are applicable, others are not.

You are welcome to leave a comment/question/advice/criticism here after you have listened to the podcast.

(p.s. friends have also recommended "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr James Dobson and "Being Child Wise" by Garry Ezzo. I havent read these books or heard much about them, but am always open to new books)