ACT

Its been about 5 months since I first blogged about post natal depression. I think now is a good time to touch base again. Due to Tahnee's first birthday, its been a few days of walking down memory lane, remembering what we were doing this time last year, and also reflecting on the year gone past ... what we did, what we have achieved and what we have been through.

To recap, I went to see my Dr in January this year as I was exhausted and just not coping. He sent me for tests and confirmed that I had PND. Sometime in April I heard about a PNDA group class that was being run during the next school term. At the time I was in individual counselling, but wasn't connecting all that well with the counsellor. So I decided to join the group class instead.

The course was called ACT on Perinatal Depression and Anxiety (run by Women's Health and Wellbeing Service) and was comprised of 10 sessions, three of which were evening sessions with a support person. ACT stands for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and is shortened to ACT, rather than A.C.T., as it is an active therapy. Each week a different topic was covered and the main purpose of the course was to equip participants with a "Tool Box" of skills to help combat PND and/or PNDA.

It was a real eye opener to participate in that course. It was "nice" to sit in a room where everyone knew what you were going through, even the course leader who had suffered herself.  And it was good to learn that we weren't going crazy and that our mental illness was curable.

During the course we were taught skills on cognitive defusion, accepting emotion, breathing, communicating, mindfulness, getting in touch with our values and assertiveness. At the beginning of the course we were asked to do a few questionnaires that were designed to rate our level of depression, anxiety and stress. At that time we were not told the results. At the end of the term we were asked to complete the same questionnaires, and on that day both sets of results were revealed and we were able to see how far we had come. For both questionnaires my pre-scores indicated my level was "moderate" (basically in between, not normal but not severe) and my post-scores indicated that I was back down to normal, albeit on the higher range of normal. Its important that note here that these questionnaires are unable to capture how someone relates to their thoughts and symptoms etc.

By the end of the course, I was quite nervous about finishing. It meant I would be free every Thursday morning, I would be on my own and not have the guidance of the clinical psych leader and it also meant my children would not be attending the creche, which they had both come to love. (as an aside, I know I have spoken many times about not taking Tahnee to creche, and at first I was very hesitant to take her, but I was assured by the coordinator whose own child attended, that the creche ladies were very strict on not taking sick children. And I was happy to note that by the end of the term neither child came home sick from that creche!)

After speaking with the clin psych, we agreed that I would go back for a session with (just) her a month after finishing the course, to see how I was coping. During term 2 I had missed a session as my children were sick, and I was invited to go back in term 3 for that one session. As it happened, both my appointment and the session were on the same day, all on Tahnee's birthday!

So that morning, Chris dropped myself and Lucas off, and went out with Tahnee. Lucas went to creche and thoroughly enjoyed it. I went to the session and met 3 new ladies also suffering with PNDA. The session was run as per normal, and it was great being back there. Then, later that afternoon I had a chance to sit down with the clin psych and talk through the last month. Upon reflection, I realised that during that time I had indeed "gotten better". I was no longer down and miserable all the time, I was no longer second guessing everything and thinking it was all my fault when something didn't work out, I was no longer fixated on my thoughts.

Visiting that missed session helped me realise how much better I was getting. Throughout the course we were made familiar with the model below, where the low points indicate low energy and low mood, and the higher points indicate more energy, better mood, and overall its meant to highlight the PND(A) journey, where you start off with many bad/down days and end off with only a few. After visiting the session, I realised that I was a lot further in my recovery than the other 3 women I had just met, and it was good to have this reassurance.

One of my favourite things to come out of course is the following quote: "life can be rich, full and meaningful even when bad things happen". To me, this signified our general attitude while pregnant with Tahnee ... we couldn't do anything to change her circumstances or better her survival odds, so we concentrated on the good things in the experience, like getting to see her on 3D scans at every visit, forming friendships with our CDH friends and more.

Lastly, if you think you have PND(A), dont be ashamed. Its a very common mental illness and it is curable. Go see your GP, discuss possible medications, get a mental health plan and book into the ACT course, or something similar. If you want to talk to someone, or find out more about the course, send me an email or give me a call. One of the things I felt when I first realised I had PND was that I only knew 2 others who had had it ... only 2 people out of the many people that we know ... which was one of the reasons we chose to write about this on our blog.